Miami Vice (2006)

5.5/10 Points

I could forsee myself getting pissed off with Colin Farrell's face by the second half of the movie, but what I didnt see comming was the shitty camera work. There were several 10 second scenes where I had no idea what I was looking at. It could have been a blurred closeup of Jamie Foxx's armpit, nose, or maybe it was his knee. In any case, an episode of CSI:Miami shows more artistry and a higher grade of editing & camera work than this high budget film.
After reviewing the credits, I realised the director casted a 41 year old to act as the young-looking business woman we know as Isabella. After realising this girl was double my age, I was no less attracted to her. She acted her role very well, but honestly, why did she have to sleep with everyone? Whore.

Now we come to Nicholas:

This looks like a man who has spent his life living in a sewer and crawling out a manhole to shop at wallmart. For god's sake where did they find such a being? Thats right, Britain.

Go figure.

Where do they find these people? This guy looks like his face is about the melt off, and I dont think the emo look is going too good for him. I couldnt take him seriously and kept laughing at his lack of facial features.

While we are on the subject of disfigured people who do nothing but bring down our species, I will bring to attention the obvious favoring of Jamie Foxx's body over Colin Farrell. Note how there are multiple shower and bed scenes where we span over Jamie Foxx's back, legs, shoulders, chest, abs, etc. Its almost like an IMAX movie where you fly over a hillside in a helicopter. Now think of Colin Farrel; even when he was banging the asian slut, it was either under the covers or in the dark. The one scene which revealed half of Colin's chest was enough to send the audience into a deep disgust. Its no wonder the editing crew cut out his shirtless scenes.

I can handle ugly, I live in manitoba, but please tell me how two renegade detectives managed to get a Ferrari F430? You would think the city of Miami has a better way to spend 6 digits. I'm sure the tax payers would rather have their streets cleaned and have the homeless fed & sheltered than have two assholes drive arround in a Ferrari.

Next on the list of what pissed me off is reverse racism. Sure, Neonazi's are biggots and their beliefs are twisted. But do you really have to take the white trash stereotype to the level of making the whole Aryan brotherhood wear wifebeaters and live in a trailor park? I think someone who traffic's, sells, steals drugs and drives arround in high class cars can afford real estate slightly above a trailor.

As you can see, a lot pissed me off about this movie, but I still enjoyed it. I didnt even regret paying 17$ for me and my special ladyfriend to see it.

Now we can only hope that after the filming was over, Jamie Foxx shaved that pathetic pubic triangle on his chin, and Colin Farrel washed his hair.