Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

5/10 Points

Normally I appreciate the accuracy of the IMDB user rating system, but after 38,970+ votes this movie averaged 7.4 stars out of 10. I am now convinced that the website’s user base is full of inbred pirate fan boys. This movie was a sequel to a predecessor that had a complete and wrapped up ending. Why? Why could you not just leave it alone? Oh yeah, $321,899,233.

The movie climaxed during the comical escape from the Caribbean man eaters. I must admit I laughed at Depp’s physical acting and was almost convinced this movie would be worth the admission price. Several slow hours after this scene I was deeply saddened when I realized the plot I had been waiting for was never to come, there would be no more laughs, and I would only get pissed off at the countless nonsensical methods the writers used to make a 30 minute script into a 3 hour movie.

The end of this movie ravaged me more than a “to be continued” CSI episode. Elizabeth did not have to leave him on that boat, it makes no sense that Jack would jump into the squid’s mouth if he was a coward just a few frames back, and for fuck sake, why is the hell is Barbossa back to life? Huzzah, a shitty cliffhanger for yet another 3 hours of shit.

The only thing this movie was good for was kicking up my appetite for deep fried squid.